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Monday, March 22, 2010
I bet she's nt even gonna read this page animore, so here goes...ill let everything out for now...i've been keeping and keeping it but there's no point animore...i've been suffering from it so bad its giving me random daydreams and hallucinations..it felt so terrible...im breaking down from the inside without realising it...i dont want it, i dont need it..but deep inside...i really want it that badly...its killing me...i swear i'd probably kill myself if this gets out of control...i'd rather die than having to suffer this pain all over again..and this is the hardest and most painful feeling i've ever felt in my entire life...it goes down to this cause too many painful things have been said...each slashing at my soul leaving deep penetrating wounds...i tried to keep calm about it...waving it off as though it were nothing..but the more i keep it inside, the more it gathers ready to explode...
All you wanted was some time and u put it in a way saying "its not gonna work out...i cant see us more than anything but close friends despite the intimacy"...i wonder in what manner is that asking for time...and still wondering...its like ur trying to say ur trying but at the same time ur telling me u dont want this...so which is it?? All those nights spent, did mean something...but in the end u keep throwing it away with your words...i really cant take this...it really makes me feel like some toy being discarded when ur done and thru with me...if u din say anithing, if u'd just show rather than speak...i know it wld be better...but in the end, u keep giving up too easily...i tried all i could, to keep this even when im losing the feeling for abit cause i know it'll come back eventually...but you just slammed the front door shut and walked away...was it that easy....cause it seemed so...now im wondering what all this time we had together meant to you...what did I meant to u...and now you dont even want to speak to me anymore...ignoring my pleas to settle things without saying much but petty goodbyes...was i that worthless in your life? to be thrown away so easily...you claimed u did try, u did smile and it was real...so why was it so easy to decide to give up and not wanting me in your life even as a stranger? I wish so badly that it was that easy for me too...then i wldnt have to go through all this...it wasnt worthed trying...it really wasnt...but somehow i really wanted to...i tried my best only to be pushed down again and again... You were my everything...i just got that perfect life back...and i was content with life...and you just took everything away again...in you, i've lost a lover, a best friend and a dear little sister...and thats exactly what i saw u as...i guess what i really wanted from you was to be happy with life for once...after all, i did grew up wishing for it all to end soon...yes, my life was never perfect...and never easy...at least not till you showed up...for the very few times in my life i could actually smile and mean it...its nt the same as when i was with my friends...but u cld never really saw that could you... Now im lost and im broken...im still finding ways to get over it...i wish the answer would come so soon...i dont want to get overwhelmed by the feeling again...its getting too much to take...and i dont wanna leave this world in tt manner...so stop piling on the pressure, god..help make it better, im begging of you...its my only request... Labels: Heal me of my pain god...please... PuNKRoCKBoi at 7:29 PM | Comment
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.:Its Who I aM:. 
Nicks:Ace, Punkrockboi, Le Nachos, Kai, Boi Ongbak Ngee Ann Poly, Bukit View Sec, Keming primary Came to tis cruel world on 22 July 1989 Thinks he's a ninja destined to save the world from an evil koala bear Cant stop chewing on his handphone Still thinks tat the moon is made of cheese Daydreams alot, so dun get angry if he's nt paying attention Overall, he's a happy kid doing wat he does best, watever tat is
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